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[English] Mokonas say the darndest things
Nov. 25th, 2005 01:24 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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aqueoustransmissionTitle: Mokonas say the darndest things
Pairing: Clow/Yuuko
Fandom: XXXHOLiC
Theme: 22. cradle
Disclaimer: Clow, Yuuko and the Mokonas belong to CLAMP. The porn and the champagne belong to Clow.
Genre: Crack
Rating: PG
Notes: The first part of the story is from Mokona Modoki's point of view, in a Soel to Larg short story style. Just in case it sounds too weird.
We saw some babies at the park that day. They were small, and pink, and cuddly. They looked like dolls and say “goo.” So cute.
How did those people get babies, though? How can a man become a dad? And how can a woman become a mom?
Let’s ask them. Let’s ask Clow and Yuuko when we get home.
Hey, Clow! We want to ask you something.
“Sure,” he smiles.
Hey, Yuuko! We want to ask you something.
“What is it, Mokona?” She’s intrigued.
Where do babies come from?
They exchanged looks. Then Clow exploded in laughter. Yuuko doesn’t seem so amused, and tells him to get serious.
“It’s hard to explain!”
“You’re right. Let’s put it this way. Babies are created by the mother and the father, and nine months later, the woman gives birth to a baby boy or a baby girl. Most animals reproduce like that, too. Like dogs and cats.”
Is that so. What about Mokona? We were created by a man and a woman. Is Yuuko our mom? Is Clow our dad? Are we their babies?
They glanced at us for some seconds. Then Clow laughed even harder, while Yuuko’s face turned red. She glared at Clow with disgust. What did we say?
“Well, in a way you are my youngest babies,” said Clow. “Cerberus and Yue are your older half brothers, of course.”
“Don’t listen to him, he’s kidding.” Yuuko tried to soften her frown. “Magical creatures are different from humans. That means they’re created in a non-biological way, unlike animals. They come from a different realm.”
Then where does Mokona come from?
“You see,” Clow grinned, “when a magician and a witch love each other very much…”
“CLOW!”
“Alright, alright… when a magician and a witch lust over each other very much…”
“…I hate you!”
Yuuko was red again. And angry; a vein was popping on her forehead. Clow was laughing again.
“Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t pass the opportunity. Well, we cloned you from a god we met in another dimension. It’s also called Mokona, and it’s as white as Soel.”
“But it’s larger. And its ears are shorter.”
There’s another Mokona. We’re really happy to know that. But there’s something we still don’t understand.
How are babies created?
Clow giggled yet again. Yuuko’s hand covered her eyes now. Then they went aside and whispered, but we could hear them anyway.
“What the hell? Do we really have to give sex education to them?”
“Thinking creatures always ask this sooner or later.”
“You mean you had to go through the same thing with your guardians?”
“Of course I had. Yue didn’t have so many problems understanding the concept, but Cerberus was completely disgusted by the act.”
“I don’t blame him. Who knows what kind of thing you told them, you perv.”
“Truth to be told, I didn’t tell them that much.”
“…what do you mean?”
“I showed them illustrations and photos to explain the point better.”
“Are you INSANE?! You taught them about sex with pornography? What were you thinking?”
“A picture is worth a thousand words?”
“You are unbelievable! That’s it, I’m teaching Soel and Larg myself.”
“Why?”
“Do you really want them to talk about porn with the kids in the future?”
“…I get your point. Please do.”
“Thanks!”
They turned to us again. We didn’t understand what they had been talking about.
“Fine, I’ll teach you about babies and sex,” said Yuuko. “Not all of it, just the basics. Well… you see… God, I don’t know where to begin…”
“’When a man and a woman love each other very much…’?”
“Shut up, Clow.”
*****************
“Are they sleeping now?”
“Yeah, finally. It was so hard! They kept asking questions.”
“You told me not to butt in.”
“You’d make things more complicated. Again.”
“You know, Yuuko, they really are like babies in a way. They do behave like children, at least.”
“I know. They can be exhausting sometimes.”
“Are you exhausted, then?”
“A bit. Aren’t you?”
“No. Actually, I’m in the mood for something romantic.”
“Excuse me? After this?”
“Well, all this talk about sex reminded me I haven’t had any in a long time.”
“If this is a proposition, you’re wasting your time. Talk to your hand instead, buddy.”
“That’s mean. I was going to lend you my pornography.”
“Eh…”
“And I have a bottle of champagne waiting for us.”
“Now that’s a good pick-up line!”
He kissed her on the forehead and put his arm around her waist.
“Does this make me Cerberus and Yue’s stepmother?”
“Hahahahaha!”
Pairing: Clow/Yuuko
Fandom: XXXHOLiC
Theme: 22. cradle
Disclaimer: Clow, Yuuko and the Mokonas belong to CLAMP. The porn and the champagne belong to Clow.
Genre: Crack
Rating: PG
Notes: The first part of the story is from Mokona Modoki's point of view, in a Soel to Larg short story style. Just in case it sounds too weird.
We saw some babies at the park that day. They were small, and pink, and cuddly. They looked like dolls and say “goo.” So cute.
How did those people get babies, though? How can a man become a dad? And how can a woman become a mom?
Let’s ask them. Let’s ask Clow and Yuuko when we get home.
Hey, Clow! We want to ask you something.
“Sure,” he smiles.
Hey, Yuuko! We want to ask you something.
“What is it, Mokona?” She’s intrigued.
Where do babies come from?
They exchanged looks. Then Clow exploded in laughter. Yuuko doesn’t seem so amused, and tells him to get serious.
“It’s hard to explain!”
“You’re right. Let’s put it this way. Babies are created by the mother and the father, and nine months later, the woman gives birth to a baby boy or a baby girl. Most animals reproduce like that, too. Like dogs and cats.”
Is that so. What about Mokona? We were created by a man and a woman. Is Yuuko our mom? Is Clow our dad? Are we their babies?
They glanced at us for some seconds. Then Clow laughed even harder, while Yuuko’s face turned red. She glared at Clow with disgust. What did we say?
“Well, in a way you are my youngest babies,” said Clow. “Cerberus and Yue are your older half brothers, of course.”
“Don’t listen to him, he’s kidding.” Yuuko tried to soften her frown. “Magical creatures are different from humans. That means they’re created in a non-biological way, unlike animals. They come from a different realm.”
Then where does Mokona come from?
“You see,” Clow grinned, “when a magician and a witch love each other very much…”
“CLOW!”
“Alright, alright… when a magician and a witch lust over each other very much…”
“…I hate you!”
Yuuko was red again. And angry; a vein was popping on her forehead. Clow was laughing again.
“Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t pass the opportunity. Well, we cloned you from a god we met in another dimension. It’s also called Mokona, and it’s as white as Soel.”
“But it’s larger. And its ears are shorter.”
There’s another Mokona. We’re really happy to know that. But there’s something we still don’t understand.
How are babies created?
Clow giggled yet again. Yuuko’s hand covered her eyes now. Then they went aside and whispered, but we could hear them anyway.
“What the hell? Do we really have to give sex education to them?”
“Thinking creatures always ask this sooner or later.”
“You mean you had to go through the same thing with your guardians?”
“Of course I had. Yue didn’t have so many problems understanding the concept, but Cerberus was completely disgusted by the act.”
“I don’t blame him. Who knows what kind of thing you told them, you perv.”
“Truth to be told, I didn’t tell them that much.”
“…what do you mean?”
“I showed them illustrations and photos to explain the point better.”
“Are you INSANE?! You taught them about sex with pornography? What were you thinking?”
“A picture is worth a thousand words?”
“You are unbelievable! That’s it, I’m teaching Soel and Larg myself.”
“Why?”
“Do you really want them to talk about porn with the kids in the future?”
“…I get your point. Please do.”
“Thanks!”
They turned to us again. We didn’t understand what they had been talking about.
“Fine, I’ll teach you about babies and sex,” said Yuuko. “Not all of it, just the basics. Well… you see… God, I don’t know where to begin…”
“’When a man and a woman love each other very much…’?”
“Shut up, Clow.”
*****************
“Are they sleeping now?”
“Yeah, finally. It was so hard! They kept asking questions.”
“You told me not to butt in.”
“You’d make things more complicated. Again.”
“You know, Yuuko, they really are like babies in a way. They do behave like children, at least.”
“I know. They can be exhausting sometimes.”
“Are you exhausted, then?”
“A bit. Aren’t you?”
“No. Actually, I’m in the mood for something romantic.”
“Excuse me? After this?”
“Well, all this talk about sex reminded me I haven’t had any in a long time.”
“If this is a proposition, you’re wasting your time. Talk to your hand instead, buddy.”
“That’s mean. I was going to lend you my pornography.”
“Eh…”
“And I have a bottle of champagne waiting for us.”
“Now that’s a good pick-up line!”
He kissed her on the forehead and put his arm around her waist.
“Does this make me Cerberus and Yue’s stepmother?”
“Hahahahaha!”
no subject
Date: 2005-11-25 01:00 am (UTC)The Mokonas want to know where they come from! :o Gaarder was right, it's all about the drink!I love you for this. I really, really do. ♥ The disfunctional family dynamics are just perfect.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-25 11:03 am (UTC)But that drink is so hard to get Yuuko wouldn't be giving it to Mokona. She's saving it for herself. And Clow wouldn't let her anyway.Thank you! I just needed the Soel to Larg sort of crack to get out of my system.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-25 06:08 pm (UTC)Absolutely adorable. Your Soel and Larg voice is spot on, and Clow's constant giggling is the perfect mental image...the all powerful and knowledgeable, make of worlds, Clow Reed giggling about sex.
Yaay to crack. ♥
no subject
Date: 2005-11-26 02:29 am (UTC)Although, from what I understand, the notion of Clow as a world creator comes from misunderstandings from translations. Yuuko's supposed to be refering to Cephiro!Mokona as the one creating worlds, and Clow creating Mokona Modoki with Yuuko. My local manga translation mentions nothing about Clow creating a world. There's no canon proof he has made any world. I really trust the Spanish volumes; their translations are rather faithful, so if they don't make Clow a world maker, then he's not.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 10:43 pm (UTC)I.--ahahahaha...okay, that was definetely VERY amusing.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 11:05 am (UTC)It was amusing to write, that's for sure!
no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 10:38 pm (UTC)the dialogue is totally on.
very charming.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 10:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 11:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 11:50 am (UTC)I hope Clow also added some lessons (not practical, though; I don't fancy Clow/Yue in a sexual way) about the way homosexual sex works. Because if he didn't, I can just imagine Yue's horror the first time he sees Yukito and Touya at it.
"Wait, why is Yukito in that posit...? OH GOD NO!"
no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 12:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-28 11:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-28 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 05:04 am (UTC):3 Verrrry cute/funny.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-02 01:45 am (UTC)re: Yuuko vs Clow's perversity
Date: 2007-12-05 06:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-25 07:10 am (UTC)